Thursday, January 17, 2008

thoughts on american idol: #1

there are certain people who american idol tryout-ers should never ever under any circumstances ever attempt to sing for their audition.

these people are as follows:

whitney houston, mariah carey, celine dion. seriously do you think that if you could actually sing as well as them you would need to be on american idol? and since that obviously means you can't, attempting to sing one of their songs will just make you look worse than you prolly are. no one has the range that these women have... seriously just give it up.

kelly clarkson, carrie underwood, chris daughtry ( i dont even know if there are any other idol winnners/best sellers). while none of these people are the best singers ever (which is why they are in this category and not the previous one) you will be compared to them and found lacking. tough. thats just how it is. especially if you resemble them even slightly physically and/or are from their home state (or worse their home town). just dont do it.

janis joplin, bob dylan. amazing song writers. very unique voices. not a whole lot of opportunity here to show off your range and you would be pigeonholing yourself right off the bat. stick to a safer choice.

queen. seriously you want to tr to sing some of the most difficult songs ever? you better be good! really good!

people who are great choices to imitate

pick some safe poppy song and add you own flair. like maroon 5. or a classic religious song like amazing grace. plenty of room to do your own thing with that. or try a less whiny alanis. or rihanna. picking top 40-ish songs increases the chance that people will remember you after we slog through all these auditions and make it to hollywood week and eventually get to vote for you.

other helpful tips. smile. make eye contact with the judges. dress well and to fit your body type. girls - wear girl clothes and tasteful makeup (leave the orange undertoned foundation off. ew. and bring blotting papers for your shiny noses.). boys - wear boys clothes and leave the princess leia slave outfits and creepy key necklaces at home. if necessary, have your friends nominate you for what not to wear several months before your audition. people who present themselves well have already won half the battle. have something snappy to say when they ask the inevitable question why are you here? duh to be the next american idol... why else fool? leave the costumes and leia hair and nail clippings at home. bring your adorable children and normal looking (and acting) family members and sob stories. above all else... if they say no nicely, dont flip off the camera and scream obscenities. you just make yourself look like an idiot on national television. by all means, if simon says your husband really really loves you and love is deaf, feel free to cry and maybe say something hateful (although last nights girl was very tasteful, just crying on her model husbands shoulder) but keep your "birds" to yourself. seriously.

if only i could sing then i would have this thing on lock. oh well.


1 comment:

Miranda said...

You make me laugh and your American Idol insights are right on! :) Love your blog by the way!