a letter to baby robinson

I am looking at FET instructions on my desk. It is a series of shots, labs, ultrasounds and vitamins I will be taking over the next few months o prepare my body to host a baby. A baby that is not mine.

Maybe I should back up. Ten years ago, I got married to my husband and moved to Los Angeles from the midwest. The second day we were there, we attended a small group of other new-to-the-area young marrieds. There we met our friends, Lance and Kris. Kris is from my home town. We had several friends in common, but had never met before. We spent a lot of time together over the next several years, doing things as couples and as girlfriends. One particular girlfriend date, about eight of us went to the Hollywood Bowl for a Sound of Music sing-along. It was exactly as fun as you imagine – wine, snackies, and lots of off key warbling. Kris’s sister, Beka was in town and we met that night. Over the next few days of her visit, we hung out, playing Catan at our house (where I was unbelievably pretentious about being green with my tea water, I’m honestly surprised she still wanted to be friends after that) and cooking out at their house.

Fast forward to 2011. Beka and I had kept in touch via social media (it is good for something!) My husband and i had moved to New England, had a baby, and decided to move back to the Midwest to be closer to family. The second I was back in town, Beka texted me and said we were going to be biffles (= BFFL). And we were, and are. I’ve been there during lots of her hard times of IUI and IVF. I can’t pretend to understand the pain of infertility, but as a mom, I can imagine what the loss of something precious, like the ability to carry a child, might mean. It’s a big deal. What’s also a big deal is that I offered to carry her and her husband’s child for them.

It sounds like a life changing decision, and it is in many ways, but it was something i wanted to do. My husband didn’t even think twice before agreeing. Through the psychiatric exams, labs and medical testing, contract negotiations (oh boy we had some fun with that one!) and mental preparation, I have never wavered from my belief that I am meant to do this for team baby robinson. “Greater love has no man than this: that he lay down his life for his friend.” As we have been praying that God would close doors if this was not meant to be, huge giant doors have been flinging open.

I am SO excited to fly to Los Angeles for tests before a frozen embryo transfer later on. And even more excited to carry this child.

Baby Robinson, you are loved. You have been loved and known since before time existed. I am honored to be a part of #TBR.